Lets Talk Imposter Syndrome
This is such an important topic, mainly because so many people come to my coaching door wanting to talk about it, or ‘confessing’ they experience it. And it’s worth taking seriously, as it can have a negative impact on your self-confidence or self-esteem; it can stop you speaking up or challenging the status quo, and ultimately limit your career. So, let’s briefly explore what it is, where it comes from and what you can do about it.
Simply put, people with Imposter Syndrome doubt their abilities and have the sensation that they’ll soon be found out, they’re a ‘fraud’, and their success is mainly due to luck. It might help you to know that it’s incredibly common, with some 70% of high achieving businesspeople saying they’ve had at least one experience. And, despite a common myth, it’s not gendered. The phrase was coined in 1978 by an academic studying high achieving woman, but there’s enough science to show that all genders experience the sensation. (What I notice though, is that more women than men talk about it openly, whilst men discuss it behind closed doors – perhaps that’s why it’s often seen as a female trait?).
So where does it come from? This is such an interesting area and often unexplored but can help you tackle the roots of the imposter that lurks at your door. It can come from four areas:
1. Told: You’ve been told who you are and what you can do (e.g., parents, teachers, colleagues, spouses, friends) or, more importantly for the imposter, what your limits are and what you can’t do or achieve.
2. See: You see other people and make self-comparisons (e.g., think about the role models you choose to compare yourself to and how appropriate they are).
3. Do: You have experiences, you do something and reach negative conclusions about your abilities.
4. Say: You say stuff to yourself and in your self-talk you create beliefs about yourself.
So, your first area to consider if you want to subdue your imposter is to ask yourself some good questions like:
Does your thinking reflect what you’ve been told in past by some about what you should do or how you should act?
Who are you comparing yourself to?
When have you experienced this before, and
How do you speak to yourself?
And here are seven further ways to ease the grip that imposter syndrome might have on your thinking.
a) Play detective with yourself when you put yourself down and challenge your thinking. When is this not true? What would your best friend say? What’s a more optimistic way of looking at this situation? When does it go right?
b) Recall positive feedback and why it was genuine. Remind yourself of it and make it visible
c) Write down when you’ve achieved something you never thought possible and where you have now got to. What did you do to achieve this? (I love this exercise; I think it’s thought provoking as it’s easy to forget how far you’ve come in your career and how much of your growth and development you've forgotten or take for granted now)
d) Seek out healthy role models (probably not from social media!). Who manages to resolve difficulties, write respectfully, behave with consideration and act with compassion? Reach out to these people for advice
e) Good enough is good enough! Imposter syndrome thrives in perfectionists and in a busy, overwhelming world this is unsustainable for your mental health. Develop your ‘growth mindset’ and learn to become OK with failure (or not great at something), seeing it as an opportunity to learn, develop and growth
f) Your negative self-talk is not only unhelpful, but also probably downright unkind! Acknowledge your thinking and put it in perspective. Observe your thinking, rather than engage with it. Practice mindfulness and develop further calmness in your mind
g) Above all, share what you’re experiencing and gain the perspective of ‘normality’ from others – you are not alone!
Remember the only difference between someone who experiences imposter syndrome and someone who doesn't, is how they respond to challenges. And for that reason, it’s worth taking seriously and keeping your negative, chattering thoughts in perspective! Imposter syndrome can be contained, it’s not forever or about everything and you are valuable and worth every achievement you have realised!
